I too often hear that dating is a numbers game. Apparently, you need to keep dating all the wrong people until you find your person. If you ask me, it’s a big waste of time and energy, when you could actually avoid failed dates after failed dates, and skip straight to the ‘right’ person for you. It’s not a numbers game, it’s a readiness game! If you don’t have clarity and alignment with the person you’d like to attract, whether you go on 1 or 1000 dates will always provide the same result: disappointment! What is the solution then?!

Dating… NOT a Numbers Game!

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I too often hear that dating is a numbers game. Apparently, you need to keep dating all the wrong people until you find your person.

If you ask me, it’s a big waste of time and energy, when you could actually avoid failed dates after failed dates, and skip straight to the ‘right’ person for you.

It’s not a numbers game, it’s a readiness game!

It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality!

If you don’t have clarity and alignment with the person you’d like to attract, whether you go on 1 or 1000 dates will always provide the same result: disappointment!

What is the solution then?!

You Only Need One Person

If you are only looking for one person, why should you date a million to find them?

Going on so many dates is only a process of trial and error, a way to become clearer and clearer on what you like and don’t like in a person.

But do you really need to throw so much time and energy, experience so much heartache and disappointment to gain clarity?

Instead of rushing to your next date, I recommend you take the time to write down what you are looking for in a partner. As I ask my clients to write 50 physical-, 50 mental-, and 50 lifestyle attributes, they often get stuck with 10-15 items on their lists.

You need to dig deeper, get very specific!

If you’re falling short, just look around you, observe people, how they hold themselves, how they interact, how they behave… what could you add to your lists?

Dating Apps are Not the Best Way to Meet Someone

Gaining clarity doesn’t fully guaranty you’ll find the right person.

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you always got”

So if you keep choosing potential partners the same way you’ve been doing it in the past, you will keep picking the wrong people for you.

Nowadays, the vast majority of dates are set through dating apps or social media, taking away 93% of information on which you base your judgement (remember words only count for 7% of communication, tone of voice for 38%, and body language for 55%).

Unfortunately, those platforms have no interest in you finding a partner. When you do, they are losing customers!

Because dating apps create the illusion of an infinite pool of candidates, people have stopped looking around them, also feeling safer having a bit of information about the person through their profile before meeting them in ‘real life’.

But if you were to meet someone organically, you would know more about them in a split second in a bar or in the street, than by looking at their profile. The way they move, their general attitude, their smile, their perfume, the tone of their voice… That would for sure get you want to know more about a person (or not!).

So I’d suggest you stop looking down at your phone and start looking up at who’s around a bit more.

If you’re feeling shy about asking someone out in ‘real life’, I’ll make sure to share with you hot tips to do it in a way that feels good and easy.

There is No Such Thing as a Failed Date

Because of all the screening you would have done either by stalking your date online or observing them from the other end of the bar, probabilities of meeting someone very misaligned should be very slim. Right?

If that’s not your experience, what could have gone wrong?

Could it be that, based on the basic information you had, you fantasised on who that person was. Your mind filled in the gaps, creating the best possible version of them… according to you. And your expectations got smashed pretty quick as they were ‘only’ themselves.

Could it be that everything aligned but, too scared of losing yourself again, getting hurt, or feeling any kind of negative emotion, you sabotaged the date so it wouldn’t go any further. (eg. constantly talking about your ex, disassociate and talk from a very intellectual place rather than being vulnerable and showing emotions…. There are million ways to do that!).

Every ‘failed’ date is no different than any normal relationship. It is an opportunity to learn about yourself, to experience uncomfortable feelings, to observe your thoughts.

And then you get to choose. Do you want to keep repeating the pattern, going on more ‘failed’ dates? Or do you want to break it, learn from it, start meeting different kind of people?

To Sum It Up

You could go on a million dates and never meet your person.

But what is your person like anyway?

Get clear about it, focus on what you DO want and go for it!

Get creative on how you could meet people. I guaranty they are not all on the apps, and chances are they would treat your encounter more seriously if you met at an event or trying out new activities, as you would for sure have common interests and things to talk about.

Every single relationship in your life is to teach you something, to bring awareness to something you didn’t know about yourself. You can choose to blame your date for not being the person you thought they were, or become curious on how you contributed to it.

As Maya Angelou would say “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.”

Enjoy your next date!

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